eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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