At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can text with my tongue
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
