he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I've blown a few things in my day
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
