I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
