Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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