Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
