last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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