I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
