I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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