just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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