We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
