apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
