my room smells like sperm. sweet.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize