I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
