Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
