i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
