There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
