Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
