Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
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I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
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What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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