Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I could make wine with my vomit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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