He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
