He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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