Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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