grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
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