I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
