On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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