it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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