Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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