So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
