hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
