I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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