Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
me + whiskey = a bad person
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
