Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
