I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
