Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
