I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And my parents said I crawled through the house
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
