Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
