Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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