I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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