Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
