shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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