Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
