You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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