and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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