I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
