When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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