yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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