My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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