He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
