sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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