Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
