There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
