he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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