I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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