my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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