Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
