i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
