why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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