What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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