so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
