Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
