we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
