lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
