And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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