I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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