Already got asked if we're dating
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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