I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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