Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Come on in and take your pants off
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