I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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