Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
