I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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