watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
